Ways to Make Toshiro Turn You into a Popsicle
by Midnight Soliloquy
Summary: Wanna see Hyonrinmaru up close?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Spice speaking. Lol, this was fun. Toshiro's just so easy to piss off! Misao and I were bored. Again.

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1. Pin his underwear to the front door of the Squad 10 barracks with Rangiku's zanpaku-to.

2. When he's doing paperwork and drinking tea (over the paperwork,) perch on the corner of his desk and say, "Momo slept with Izuru last night."

3. Set his hair on fire.

4. Tell Rangiku that her captain needs the "Birds and the Bees" explained to him.

5. Dye his captain's coat a different neon color each week.

6. Burst in through the ceiling during an important captain's meeting. Stand up, brush yourself off, and jump up onto the table. Walk over to Toshiro, carefully balance a large marshmallow on his head, and walk out as if nothing happened.

7. Chase after all the Hell Butterflies he sends and eat them.

8. Cover every surface in the 10th Division office in a thick layer of peanut butter.

9. Write an extremely passionate love letter to Gin Ichimaru, signed with Toshiro's forged signature.

10. Line up marshmallow peeps on his desk while he working early one morning and still half asleep. When he's about to nod off, begin smashing them one by one with your fist.

11. Hide watermelon flavored candy in odd, random places around the barracks. (Ex: Between the couch cushions, taped to the bottom of his desk chair, in the clock.)

12. Cover Hyonrinmaru in an array of smiley face and pink flower stickers.

13. Lock a duck in his sock drawer.

14. Make offhand comments about the short bus.

15. Hire him a babysitter.

16. Sign him up for cub scouts.

17. Take away Hyonrinmaru, telling him that small children shouldn't play with sharp objects.

18. Mop the floor with his coat.

19. Glue his sandals to the ceiling.

20. Tell Rangiku that Toshiro is having a bad day and needs a bigger than usual hug.

21. Chop onions with Hyonrinmaru.

22. Stand behind him while he's working. Smack and poke him repeatedly in the back of the head saying, "Toshiiiiroooo? Am I bothering you Toshiro? Toshiro am I bothering you Toshiro? Am I bothering you? Am I?"

23. At random times, shove your whole face into the back of his head, sighing contentedly at the fluffiness of his hair.

24. Fill his desk drawers with oatmeal.

25. At dinner, drop random pieces of your food in his drink.

26. Dangle spit wads over his head. (This is sure to irritate him, seeing as it shows that he is short.)

27. Wake him up at ungodly hours of the night by dumping a bowl of cornflakes on his head.

28. Eat it off his face.

29. Carve a zucchini into the shape of a knife. Follow him around with it poised over his head, singing the 'Psycho' music.

30. Using one of Rangiku's bras as a slingshot, splatter the outside walls of the 10th Division barracks with various types of fruit.

31. When he gets close to you, sneeze. Claim you are allergic to his hair.

32. Tie him up and use him as a broom.

33. Fill his shampoo bottle with pink hair dye.

34. Ask him what he would do for a Klondike bar.

35. Sing "Ice, Ice Baby" every time he activates his bankai.

36. Smash blueberry muffins in his hair.

37. Inform Captain Unohana that Toshiro is in need of "medication."

38. Tell Yachiru that Toshiro want to be her very best friend.

39. Arrange for him to go shopping with Rangiku.

40. Lead her (with Toshiro in tow) to Victoria's Secret.

41. Chase random Soul Reapers around Seiretei with a plastic lightsaber.

42. Sit across from him and stare at him. Narrow your eyes and inquire in a completely serious voice, "Are you a happy fishy?"

43. Every time he opens his mouth to speak, blow a train whistle directly in his ear.

44. Finger-paint all over his bedroom walls with bacon grease.

45. Patch his clothes with bologna.

46. Spike his tea.

47. Hire Fall Out Bay to play in his office when he's doing paperwork.

48. Ask him why he's always so angry.

49. Ask him if it's because Momo doesn't love him anymore.

50. Switch his clothes with Rangiku's. All of their clothes.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Spices: MORE! MORE! -evil laughter-

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51. Tattoo daisies on his face while he's sleeping.

52. Get Momo drunk. Lead her to Toshiro's room and lock her in.

53. Watch Power Rangers at the top volume the TV will go.

54. Doodle on the backs of his paperwork.

55. Write profane comments on his paperwork about whoever he has to turn it in to.

56. Dance around the office, blaring your iPod and singing at the top of your lungs.

57. Ask him why Rangiku has big boobs.

58. Shriek "BANKAI!" and fling a pretzel stick at him.

59. Beat him with a pair of pants.

60. Roll him up in an oriental carpet. Declare him "Snug as a bug in a rug."

61. The instant he steps out of the shower, immediately slather him with massive amounts of foul smelling lotion.

62. Glue Fig Newtons to the seat of his pants.

63. Dye his hair blonde and his coat red. Declare that he is Edward Elric.

64. While he is still in this get-up, wrap yourself in tin foil and place a metal bucket on your head. Burst into his office screaming "Brother! Brother!"

65. Let his entire fan club into his room.

66. Line up pencils in an immaculate, insanely perfect row on his desk. If he bumps one so much as half a centimeter, scream at him and refuse to speak to him for at least a week.

67. Steal Momo's panties and hide them under his pillow.

68. Explain to Momo where her panties disappeared to.

69. Laugh at him when she slaps him.

70. Tape yaoi fanart all over the walls.

71. Paint a black spot on his chest and declare him a Hollow.

72. Sew him up inside a sleeping bag.

73. Stand on the roof of the Squad 10 barracks with a megaphone. Scream to everyone that walks by that Toshiro is in love with Momo.

74. Fill his bathtub with live baby crocodiles.

75. Replace all of his office supplies (pens, pencils, staplers, etc.) with scissors.

76. Dance around on his desk with a globe, singing "I Got the Whole World in My Hands"

77. Hog tie Momo and hang her by her toes from the top of the repentance cell.

78. Loose a pack of angry carnivores in the office.

79. Follow him around carrying a chainsaw.

80. Talk incessantly about Sousuke Aizen.

81. Read his journal out loud to random shinigami.

82. Tie Rangiku to a stake in front of the Tenth Division office. Screech at anyone who gets too close and chase them off with a pool noodle.

83. Rip the seams out of all his clothes.

84. Pin a plushie of him to his door with a meat cleaver.

85. Shove jelly beans up your nose and sneeze them at him.

86. Somehow force him into a very frilly, very lacy, very pink dress. Take lots of pictures of this.

87. Pass them around at the next Captain's meeting.

88. Color his hair with Hi-Lighters.

89. Follow him around and squirt him with flowery perfume every five minutes.

90. Shove every single little thing that's in the entire Squad Ten office out into a pile on the street. Claim you were sprig cleaning.

91. Turn out all the lights and pull the blinds in the office. Drag in a large cooking pot and light a fire in it. Do tribal dances around the pot, while sacrificing his pillows, feather by feather. Shriek at anyone who comes in and chase them out with the desk chair, cursing them out in Gaelic.

92. Date all his papers September 31

93. Wherever there would be a comma in a sentence you are speaking, meow like a cat.

94. Ask for the kid's menu for him whenever you go out to eat.

95. Take him to an amusement park. Laugh when he's too short on get on any of the rides.

96. Chuck random body parts at him.

97. Stick his paperwork together with chewed up gum instead of staples.

98. Make a diagram of the height differences between the Captains.

99. Rig up surveillance throughout the entire Squad Ten barracks.

100. Fill his room six feet deep with paper cranes.


End file.
